All this time you spent trying to get me to open up saying that you cared about me. I eventually let my walls down for you and you saw parts of me no one has ever seen before. And I talked to you about things I’ve never talked to anyone about. I let you in and you saw the weakest parts of me. I never thought you would take my weaknesses and use them to break me in the end. Well played. You’re the worst kind of monster out there
I hope you know that I’m not just here for the way your bones feel against mine or the way you kiss me like this is the end of the world. I’m here to wake you when you start crying in your sleep and I’m here to clean up the blood when your breathing gets shallow. I’m here to hold you back when you try to jump and I’m here to hold your hand when I can’t stop you. and I love the way you say my name and the way you look when it’s cold out. I’m here for every bit of you. Even the messy bits. and that’s how it will always be. We fell in love two years ago when we were tired and it was raining hard on both of us but I would stand out in a storm forever if it meant I got to fall asleep next to you.
1. Lay on the floor of your shower until you can breathe again. Water will always love to love your skin.
2. Start writing with the intention of filling up one page. Write until your pen stops working.
3. Reread a book that once made you cry. Learn something new on every page. Notice how different chapter make you sad. Notice how the book didn’t change and grow; you did.
4. Sleep with your windows open. You can hear both the rain and boys drunkenly singing Frank Sinatra on their deck. Both are equally good.
5. Don’t forget that honey will always taste sweet, but the best way to eat it is off your fingers, laughing.
6. Remember that, sometimes, getting out of bed is enough.
I am not an easy person to love. Some days I will whisper how beautiful you are while planting gentle kisses all over your body. You will giggle and try to fight me off and in that moment my heart will have never felt so light.
But other days when my mind is a storm cloud threatening to explode, I will be a bundle of emotions that I cannot quite keep contained. I will be cold, distant, and you will look at me like I am not the same person you fell in love with.
I am a broken light switch. My moods flicker without anyone flipping me on and off. I wake up each morning and wonder which me you will encounter that day. I always hope it is the one who makes you want to stick around.
I am not easy to love. But what I need you to understand is that whether there is a war raging inside of my mind or I am the kind person that you adore, I will always love you.
I will love you in the morning. I will love you when you cry. I will love you when I am angry. I will love you when you’re being stubborn. I will love you when I don’t even love myself. I will love you.
I know that there will be days when you want to give up on me but I am asking you, please don’t. You see, you are the only one who has been able to settle the storm inside of me before I even realize it is surfacing.
I am not easy to love but I promise that I will always put up a fight. And I will love you no matter which me my light switch flips on that day.
Don’t you get it? I chose you, over anyone else. I always fucking choose you.
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